Starting Again
by inmyarms57
Summary: She was beautiful, just the way he remembered her and the look in her eye had him wishing it wasn't just a moment in time but something so much more.
1. Chapter 1

_"I'm the memory you can't get out your head."_  
_~David Gray "Nemesis"_

He saw her the moment she entered the bar area and no matter how much she tried to hide it; he knew she saw him too. He'd seen her looking at him and thinking she had been sly about it, but he had seen her and he'd played this game before.

He smiled causing her to blush slightly and he found it endearing as she turned away, a faint smile on her lips.

He felt his heart race as she brushed a loose strain of hair behind her ear, allowing him a glance of her face. Beautiful, that was all that crossed his mind in that moment as he admired her from his seat across the room.

_Beautiful_.

Grabbing his beer off the table, he made his way across the room to the bar. She pretended not to notice him as he sat down on the stool next to her. He softly chuckled to himself. She was really trying hard to pretend he wasn't there. He had to admire her determination, but he knew it was futile.

Leaning in close, his lips brushing against her ear and softly whispered, "Excuse me, can I buy you a drink?"

She turned toward him, her face inches from his before lifting her drink, with a slight tip his way and raising it to her lips, "I already have a drink."

That she did.

"True," He said adjusting himself on the bar stool. His eyes watching her lips touch the glass and he made a promise to himself that before the night was over those lips would be touching his. "I'll buy the next one."

She raised a brow and sat her glass back on the bar. "Who said I wanted another drink?"

He laughed. She was feisty. "Don't you?"

She cocked her head sideways; a golden brow arched and pretended to think about it. "I really haven't decided yet and I'm not really sure I want you to buy me another drink either."

He shook his head. He was enjoying this, the banter and the way she was keeping him on his toes. "Well, if you do decide to let me buy you a drink, my table is right over there."

With a wink her way, he got up and walked away. He'd give her ten seconds before she came to him. He sat down and started counting; only making it to eight before she was sitting across from him.

"Change your mind?" He asked taking a sip of his beer, a brow arched.

The look in her eyes said he already knew the answer, which of course he did. Women rarely said no to him. At least she never had. "Well, before I buy you that drink, how 'bout a dance?"

She regarded him with a speculative gaze. "Just a dance, nothing else?"

He flashed her a devilish grin and held out his hand. "Well honey, if you want more than a dance, you just let me know, but for right now, a dance is all I'm asking for."

She laughed and took the hand he offered. "Cocky, aren't you?"

He led her to the dance floor and pulled her into his arms. He leaned his head close to her ear and whispered, "Does my cockiness bother you?"

She shuttered and he smiled. A second later, she raised her head and he found himself staring into her emerald eyes. She didn't even bother to hide her desire. "No, it doesn't bother me."

He took that as a sign and never taking his eyes from hers, he leaned in to kiss her. She had plenty of time to turn away, but she didn't. In fact, she raised herself up and met him halfway. The kiss was gentle at first, but as soon as she parted her lips, he took advantage and deepened the kiss. His tongue explored her mouth as his hands pulled her closer, letting her feel how much he wanted her. She moaned and his mind reeled.

Only once before had a kissed affected him this way and he wanted more.

He wanted her, all of her even if it was just for one night.

When he finally raised his head, they were both breathing heavily. She looked up at him and he saw his own desire, want, and need reflected in her eyes. He groaned and thanked god that this was a hotel bar and that his room was right upstairs. "Let's get out of here."

She didn't even hesitate.

* * *

He unlocked the door to his room and motioned for her to precede him inside. She looked at him and for a split second he wondered if she was going to change her mind. But then she stepped inside and held out her hand to him. He took it and barely had time to shut the door before she backed him up against the wall and started unbuttoning his dress shirt, making quick work of the buttons, pulling it down his arms in one swift motion. A groan escaped his lips as she ran her hands over his now bare chest, her lips tracing a path along his jaw line to his the curve of his neck.

He wanted her needed her, _needed_ to see her. Spinning them around, he pushed her gently against the wall and in one motion lifted her shirt over her head; his eyes taking all of her in. She was beautiful, just the way he remembered her. He tenderly kissed a path down her neck toward her shoulder, lowering her bra strap as he went and repeating his actions on the other side.

Reaching behind her, he released the strap, watching as she closed her eyes only for them to flutter open a moment later. His breath hitching at the look they held; a look he hadn't seen in the longest of time.

A look he missed and he closed his eyes, needing to block it out.

This was just a moment in time, a fling. An escape from a life he'd been running from and that look in her eyes made it suddenly seem like so much more.

She made a grab for the button on his jeans, causing his eyes to fly open as he caught her hands between his. His voice low, full of lust and that feeling; that look long forgotten, "Babe, you do that and this will be over way too soon."

She grinned sheepishly, her hands traveling up his bare arms and wrapping around his neck. "We wouldn't want that." She whispered huskily causing him to groan.

"No we wouldn't." he whispered as he picked her up in his arms and carried her to the bed and laying her down gently before making quick work of the rest of their clothes. Once they were both naked, he lowered himself over her and kissed his way down her neck toward her breast, running his tongue across her nipple as she cried out in pleasure. She arched her back, her hands clinging to him, pulling him close, and urging him on as he captured her breast in his mouth.

"Oh god," She moaned out as her nails dug into his back, holding him close.

Slowly he pulled away and raised his head, smiling at the look on her face and lifted a hand to her cheek, "Let me look at you." He whispered softly.

Her pout faded as her brow furrowed in question. "What are…"

Running his thumb across her lips, stopping her flow of words as he leaned down and gently brushed his lips against hers, whispering as he went; "I've missed you Peyton."

* * *

_One Year Later… _

Lucas Scott walked into the Café, the day after his ex-girlfriends wedding to one Julian Baker and ordered his morning coffee before settling down to read the paper. A photo of the happy couple, locked in a kiss, graced the front page. Along with an article about how one of Tree Hill's own had landed her very own prince charming.

Shaking his head, he stared at the photo. Amazed that she had done it; gotten married, especially without her best friend by her side. He hadn't thought she'd do it but she did. She walked down that aisle, her arm tucked his, and to the man she said changed her life.

He genuinely liked Julian. He honestly did. Thought he was prefect for her and he told her that. Told her Julian balanced her out and she laughed, pulled him in for a hug, telling him he was the one that taught her what love really was and she was thankful for that.

Lucas took a sip of his coffee, skimmed the article, a smile crossing his lips at the mention of names he recognized, never noticing Nathan and Haley enter the Café until he felt Haley's lips against his cheek.

Startled, Lucas looked up as Nathan pulled a chair out for Haley before sitting himself.

"Hey guys. What are you doing here?" He asked, leaning back in his chair, his arms crossed against chest.

"We're just stopping in for a quick bite to eat before heading out to Charlotte." Haley replied, her dark eyes watching him from across the table.

"Ah yes, the start of another basketball season and many nights apart."

"Which is why Deb has taken Jaime for the weekend," Haley said smiling, her eyes bright.

"Thank god for grandmothers." Nathan said with a smirk. "Hey!" he cried when Haley elbowed him and arched a brow his way. "I'm just saying."

Shaking his head, Lucas leaned forward watching his brother and wife interact. He wanted that. To be in love; to have a family and he almost had it; she just wasn't the right girl.

"You want to come?" She asked learning forward slightly, her dark eyes full of concern.

He smiled. She'd been doing that a lot lately, asking him to tag along to places and he knew she was concerned, worried about him and it made him feel good knowing she did. Still, he knew Nathan had been looking forward to having some alone time with Haley. It was written all over his face, "Nah thanks for the offer thou Hales. Besides I've got things to do."

"Like what?" She asked, ignoring the groan that escaped her husband lips. "Mope around the house? Stare at a blank computer screen? Find some random woman to bring home?"

Squinting, Lucas leaned back in his chair and shook his head. "I don't want to go, Hales. You guys need this, time on your own before everything gets crazy and you get all hormonal about the lack of time Nathan doesn't have."

Narrowing her eyes, Haley tossed her napkin down with a huff. "Fine. Stay here and be lonely. I don't care."

"Who says he's going to be alone?" Nathan asked before taking a drink of juice and nodding his head at his older brother, "I saw him talking it up with one of the bridesmaids last night. In fact, I saw her slip him her number."

And he grinned. Fake as it was, he smiled. He had gotten a number. A few but none turned his head. None made him want to call.

"If you really need to know," He said, shaking his head at Nathan. "I was going to look at a few houses. I think its time I moved out and got my own place. I appreciate you guys letting me crash as long as I have but no offense, living with you guys kind of cramps the love life." He added for good measure.

Rolling her eyes, Haley shook her head, "Who are you?"

She asked him that once before, the night after finding a strange woman walking out of his room. She had given him the silent treatment for hours, mumbling under her breath about destroying the man she once knew, when he begged her to talk to him.

And when she did finally speak to him, she yelled. Screamed that he was no longer the boy she loved, the boy she knew, remembered. Cause if he was still that boy, _that_ man, he'd find a way back to where he belonged, find a way back to _who _he belonged with and not allow himself to become someone he wasn't.

Only he didn't do that. He just shut himself off, closed off his heart and convinced those around him he was fine. He was, fine for awhile until he saw her. Six years after he asked her to marry him and she said someday and he took it as no. Three years after another said no and left him standing at the alter because she had seen the truth and he couldn't face it.

He had watched her for hours, following through the city. Mesmerized by her movements, her actions and the way she smiled. She was happy and it killed him, cause he wasn't a result of it.

His heart had broken that day. Watching as another leaned forward and captured her lips with his and the way she brushed her hand lovingly against his cheek, the other clinging to his shirt. She used to do to him and he always thought it was meant just for him.

He had been wrong.

That had been three years ago and he never once told Haley he had seen her. That just seeing her from a distance made him want it all back. To go back to that moment when he walked away when he should have stayed. He just buried his feelings and became what Haley hated.

Someone he hated.

"You're such an ass." She said. "One of these days, Luke some woman is going to come along and give you a taste of your own medicine and I hope to god the man that I know and love comes back. Because this one," waving a hand his way she lowered her voice, the harsh tone gone. "I don't like him."

One already has, he thought, unable to stop the smile from forming on his face at the memory from a year ago in New York. He couldn't get it out of his head, that night, her.

He had woken to an empty bed and the fading scent of her. It was a first for him, waking alone. Usually it was him slipping away and leaving the girl before she woke. He hadn't expected her to leave but then again he did it to her years before.

He hadn't told a sole about their encounter, keeping the memory to himself and he often wondered if she mentioned it to Brooke.

"That's some smile, Luke." Nathan said, interrupting his thoughts. "So who is she?"

"What makes you think there is someone?" He asked avoiding Nathan's gaze and looking down at his coffee.

"Because you're staring at your coffee like it's the most fascinating thing in the world." Haley said. "So who is she?

Plastering on a smile, Lucas gave her a mischievous grin. "Which _she _are you referring to, Hales? There's been more than one over the years."

Laughing, Nathan leaned back his chair. "That's true but the last time you smiled like that was when you were with Peyton and that smile? I smile the same exact way when I'm thinking about Haley. So there is someone new Luke all you have to do is tell us and we'll be on our way."

Glaring Nathan's way, Lucas groaned inwardly. Why did he have to mention her, say her name? "There is no one. Just a…why am I discussing my love life with you anyways? Thanks for mentioning her name by the way, Nat."

"Because you're lacking one or so we thought." Nathan said with a grin. "And you're welcome."

"Luke," Haley drawled out, reaching out and placing her hand over his. "Why is it so hard for you to admit you miss her and…"

"I don't miss her." He growled out, cutting Haley off. He did miss her but he wasn't about to tell them that. He didn't need, nor want them getting involved in something that didn't exist because it didn't. No matter how much he wished it did.

"You do, Luke." She whispered. "If you'd just…"

Yanking his hand out from under hers and narrowing his eyes her way, Lucas leaned forward, his face inches from hers. "I don't miss her. I don't need her and I don't need anyone in my life. I'm not cut out to share my life with just one woman. We've established that."

"What's so wrong with wanting to share your life with someone, Luke?" Haley asked. "You use to want to that."

"I didn't say anything was wrong with it." He replied, looking to Nathan for help and only receiving a shrug in return. So much for brotherly love. "I just said I'm not cut out for it. I think we all figured that out when Lindsey left me at the alter. Besides I'm perfectly happy with my life the way it is."

"If you say so." With a huff, Haley leaned back, a smile on her lips. "But I know there's someone that you're not mentioning and I intend on finding out who she is."

Squinting his eyes her way, Lucas shook his head, listening to Haley and Nathan go on about who they thought it was that had him smiling. Since he had moved back to Tree Hill, from New York a year ago, Haley had been determined to help him get on with his life and find him the _perfect_ woman. He tried telling her there was no such thing, but she laughed and told him he met her, only he had let her go.

Lucas rubbed his temples, his eyes closing when Haley mentioned how funny it would be if it was Peyton. If only they knew how right they were, he thought opening his eyes and faintly smiled.

If only they knew.


	2. Chapter 2

_"I am a sudden and quite unexpected twist."  
~David Gray "Nemesis"_

She had arrived the day before. Flown into Tree Hill Airport, wishing she was anywhere else but here but she had promised she'd be there for her best friends wedding so she flew home to their hometown. Back to the one place she'd been avoiding for years after all a promise was a promise.

Only she never made to the wedding.

She had slipped on the custom made dress, fixed her hair just right and slipped on heels she knew would show off her legs. Legs she knew were his one weakness. And she did it all with a smile on her face and her heart racing at the mere thought of the possibility of seeing him.

She had heard he was in town. Back home for good, Brooke had said as they rode in the limo to the church, her dark eyes watching her as she stared at the window of the limo, wondering if he'd be at the wedding. But it was when the limo came to a stop in front of the church and Brooke spoke that she suddenly couldn't breathe; _He's giving me away_.

Those four words left her breathless and clinging to the leather seat in which she sat. With misty eyes, she had looked Brooke in eye and she simply smiled and whispered; _it's okay_ before squeezing her hand and slipping from the limo, leaving Peyton sitting there with tears in her eyes. She couldn't face him.

Couldn't walk down the aisle knowing he was behind her, watching her so she left and now she stood in their hometown, wishing she could escape it all.

Glancing around the somewhat crowded pier, she sighed and made her way through the small cluster of people who had suddenly formed by the coffee vender. She had come down to the river to escape and emerge herself in memories she had been avoiding for years. Only they were all blending together that she couldn't remember where they had taken place. But the one that sat in the fore front of her mind was that one night in New York.

She had heard he was in the city to meet with his editors about his third book. Brooke had called her and in her own causal way, let it slip where he was staying. She had debated for hours whether to go but before she knew it, she was slipping on an emerald colored top and skinny jeans and spraying perfume that she knew he loved on her and stepping into its aroma.

Her heart had accelerated at the sight of him sitting there in the darken bar, his blue eyes catching hers and she felt like she did back in high school; scared and reckless and wanting him. She had tried to be coy about it but when he came to her, whispered in her ear she knew she done for and before the night was over she would be laying in his arms.

And she had only to slip from them before he woke.

She had watched him sleep, her hand resting gently over his beating heart, memorizing its rhythmic beat and amazed how hers still seemed so in sic with his and she wanted to cry. She missed him. Missed them and laying there in his arms, she realized just how lost she had been without him. With one final look, she brushed her lips against his jaw, whispered three little words and slipped from his bed.

She had felt guilty for walking away and not leaving a note but then the memory from another time. Another hotel room had her eyes misting over and burying those feelings. He did it to her without a second thought and she'd do the same. She'd bury all thoughts of him and that night and go on pretending she didn't miss him.

Didn't need him, after all she had been pretending that very thing since the day she left their hometown.

She had left town the day before his wedding, his almost wedding. Haley had called her after the failed ceremony, begging her to come home. That Lucas needed her and she had simply asked why. Why her? There had been silence, followed by Haley's broken voice; _He's falling apart._

She hadn't meant to but she laughed. Laughed through the tears that started to fall and stood staring out the window at the city before her and whispered softly into the phone before hanging up; _I let him go._

She had. She went to him, stood before him in the very gym they had so often come to as teenagers and clung to his hand and said if it was what he wanted she'd let him go. And she did. She lifted his hand to her lips, looked him in the eye, whispered she loved him that she'd always love him and walked away.

She had had ever intention of staying in Tree Hill. Of attending his wedding and let him go but when she pulled into the driveway of the house she shared with Brooke all she wanted to do was to pack a bag and leave. So she did. Hugged Brooke, promising her she'd be okay and that she was fine. Called Haley, told her she'd be fine without him and he'd be fine without her and drove away, and leaving behind it all with tears in her eyes.

That had been nearly four years ago and here she was walking the same steps she had once long with memories she couldn't place and wanting a man she wished she didn't miss.

* * *

"Come on Lucas," Haley whined. "You know you want to tell me who it is so why not tell me now and save us from watching you brood about."

"There is no one, Hales. Just me and my so called brooding self." Lucas replied sarcastically with air quotes and earning a glare in return.

Haley leaned forward with a sigh and clasped his hands between hers, "Where did that boy go that believed in fate and true love?"

Lucas groaned in frustration. They've been having the same argument for months now and it was becoming tiresome. He had believed once. Believed in it all and swore he held it in his hands but in a blink of an eye, all he had ever believed in slipped away and he stopped believing. "He grew up."

"I wish he'd return." She whispered as she leaned back and settled against Nathan's side, her dark eyes watching her best friend. "I miss him."

"People change Hales. They grow and…" Closing his eyes, Lucas sighed and leaned back in his chair, his eyes fluttering open once again. "There's no just thing as fate and destiny. I don't believe in it."

"Really?" Haley said an eyebrow arched his way. "How can you say that it doesn't exist? Look at Nathan and me or Brooke and Julian or even you and Peyton for that matter. It was all fate, Luke and you know it."

Squinting, Lucas shook his head. He really was getting tired of this conversion. "It doesn't exist, Hales. Nathan and you met because he had an agenda at the time. Brooke and Julian met because he had an agenda as well and Peyton and I…fate had nothing to do with any of it."

"Nothing to…Luke…" Haley started then stopped and looked at Nathan. "Would you say something please? Say anything he is after all your brother."

Raising his hands, Nathan shook his head with a chuckle. "No way, I am not getting involved in this Hales. He has a right to believe whatever he wants and if believes it wasn't fate, it wasn't fate."

"Nathan." Haley drawled out, a pout forming on her lips.

"If it's any comfort babe, I believe." Nathan said as he leaned forward and brushed his lips against hers.

Shaking his head, Lucas watched his brother and his wife. Anyone could see they were still in love after all these years and he did yearn for that; to be in love. But whether fate played a hand in bringing them together that he didn't believe. Not anymore.

That all flew out the window the day he walked away and left in her that hotel in LA.

The door to the Café opened, announcing the presents of another customer, just as Lucas thanked the waitress for the refill of his morning coffee. With one last look at the couple across from him, he shook his head and glanced down at the newspaper only to look back up at Haley's gasp of surprise. His brow furrowed at the look of shock on Haley's face and glanced at his brother only to see the same look staring back at him.

"It's fate." Haley whispered her dark eyes never leaving their spot just over Lucas shoulder.

"Hales?" Lucas asked, his eyes narrowing in concern as he slowly turned and looked over his shoulder and found himself staring into a pair of emerald eyes with one thought running through his head, _if fate did exist it certainly had a twisted sense of humor_.


	3. Chapter 3

_I'm caught inside the memories, the promises are yesterdays and I belong to you.  
~ Red "Never Be The Same"_

"_Lucas." _

It was one word. One soft whispered word that almost had her walking right back out the door of the Café. The chiming of the bells caused her to glance up as she passed through the door only for her breath to catch a moment later at the sight of Nathan and Haley sitting at one of the tables, starring back at her.

She hadn't excepted to see them, anyone for that matter but there they sat and she forced a smile, took a hesitant step forward and froze when the man, sitting across from Haley, the one whose face she couldn't see, turned and looked at her. A gasped escaped her lips when his shocked blue eyes caught her gaze and she was whispering his name, "Lucas."

One word, one whispered word and the façade she been building, crumpled.

He looked startled, shocked and she couldn't breathe. He was there. Sitting at the very table they all once use to huddle around as teenagers. She tucked into his side while he softly whisper that he loved her, would always love her.

Only _always _didn't last.

Lucas broke the connection between them first when he turned away, his head falling forward and that was all the time she needed to regain her composure. Sucking in a breath, Peyton faintly smiled, nodded towards Nathan before heading to the counter and placing her order. She could do this. She could place her order and slip from the Café without letting him get to her. Without _really _being noticed. She could just…

"Peyton."

Do no such thing. Closing her eyes, she sucked in a deep breathe and slowly exhaled as she turned and faced the woman behind her, all with a smile, "Haley."

"What are you doing here?" Haley asked her brow furrowed in question. "Brooke said you couldn't make it. Something about…"

"She lied." Peyton said, interrupting her. Her eyes darting to the table and back to Haley, "I…"

"Couldn't face Lucas." Haley whispered, finishing the blonde's thoughts, a look of understanding in her dark eyes.

With a tight smile, Peyton looked at Haley and nodded. Her eyes shimming with tears and she wanted to run. She wanted to be stronger. She wanted to be anywhere but standing here.

"Hales." Nathan called out, tapping his watch as he came to stand before them. "We need to get going. Peyton," With a smile he wrapped his arms Peyton's small frame and gently pulled her into a hug, "It's good to see you."

She closed her eyes with a sigh, allowing herself to melt into Nathan's embrace, her own arms wrapping around his tall frame. It was familiar and comfortable and she didn't want to let go but with another sigh, she pulled away with a smile, her eyes darting between the couple before her.

"It's good to see you both." She drawled out, a hint of southern twang in her voice. "We'll have to get together sometime."

It was polite and seemed almost forced but she wanted that. She wanted it to be like before.

Before teenage love triangles and shootings and summer rock tours and goodbyes.

"We should." Haley said with a nervous smile. "Peyton…" With a shake of her head and a chuckle, the small brunette threw her arms around Peyton and tugged her forth. "I've missed you, Blondie."

And she couldn't help but let out a breath she didn't even realize she had been holding. "I've missed you too, Hales." She whispered, her eyes closing only to flutter open a moment later and catching the gaze of another.

Pulling away, Peyton forced a smile and step out of Haley's embrace with a gentle squeeze of her hand she titled her head to the side and whispered, "Call me."

With a nod of her head, Haley slipped her hand into Nathan's and turned away, pausing long enough to brush a kiss to Lucas's cheek and walked out of the Café, the bell chiming behind them as they left.

_And then there were two._ Peyton thought as she glanced at Lucas. His blue eyes watching her and she couldn't help but faintly smile his way before turning back to the counter, intent on ordering her much needed cup of tea and slipping away. All before Lucas could find the nerve to talk to her.

With a smile to the attendant behind the counter, Peyton turned back around, her breath hitching at the smile on Lucas's face. That smile that once had her melting and falling into his arms as he'd whisper promises of love to her.

That smile that let her know he loved her and her alone.

He raised a brow and pointed to the seat that Haley had long since vacated and she stood rooted in the spot in which she stood. Her heart racing as his smile grew but when he blinked, she turned away and walked towards the condiments counter across the room, her back to him.

Reaching for the sugar container, her hand shaking as she slowly counted to ten trying to calm her nerves before she turned around and walked out of the Café.

And away from him.

It wasn't even a moment later that he was whispering in her ear, her hand gripping the cup in her hand a little tighter at the feel of his warm breath against her skin, "Were you going to leave without saying hi?"

"That had been my intention." She whispered, turning slightly and her breath to hitch at the close proximity of their lips. She went to take step away but his hand shot out, trapping her against his body and the counter. With a sigh, she closed her eyes, her heading falling forward slightly, "Luke, please?"

Ignoring her plea, Lucas leaned closer, his lips mere inches from her ear. "You missed Brooke's wedding. I never thought…"

"She understood." She said as gently pushed against his solid form. Not wanting to tell him it was because of him and the fact she couldn't let go.

"Why?" He asked and she could hear the worry in his voice, see the way his brow would furrow in her mind. She didn't have to look him in the eye to know it was there. She heard it in his voice.

With another gentle push he took a step back, allowing her to turn and look him in the eye and suddenly she wished he hadn't.

"Something came up at work and she understood." she said. Looking him in the eye, she faintly smiled as she grabbed her tea and walked away but not before looking back once more and meeting his intense gaze, "I'll be seeing you."

And walked out of the Café just as the tears she had been holding at bay, fell.

* * *

Lucas stood rooted in that spot where she had just left him stunned. She had just been standing before; all curls and legs. Just the way he had remembered her. They way he had always seen her; beautiful.

Shaking his head, Lucas yanked a few bills out of his pocket, tossed it on the table before running out of the door. He had to catch her, talk to her because maybe Haley had been right all along and it was fate. Maybe she was still his destiny. Maybe…

"Peyton!" He yelled as he caught sight of her blonde curls rounding a corner up ahead. "Peyton! Hold up! Peyt…"

Peyton glanced over her shoulder at the sound of her name, pausing only for a moment before quickening her steps as she caught sight of Lucas running after her. She wanted to get away. She needed to get away. She…

"Peyton!"

With another glance over her shoulder, she watched as he collided with a elderly man, his hands reaching out and steadying the older gentleman before pointing in her direction with an apologize on his lips and she couldn't help but smile before turning once again and hurrying away, hoping to blend into crowd.

As she stepped from the sidewalk intent on getting to the crowded pier across the street, she felt a hand grab her arm, causing her drop her tea to the ground below as it yanking her back.

"Hey!" She cried out as she turned on her heel, her green eyes narrowing in anger. "Watch it! You…"

A groan escaped her lips as the sight of an out of breath Lucas standing before her, his hand latched onto her arm as if steadying him. "Are you really going to make man with a heart condition chase after you?" He asked between breaths, a faint smile on his face.

Her eyes went wide as she reached out and placed a hand on his chest, feeling the rapid beat of his heart beneath her touch, "Are you okay?" She asked leading them to the lone bench and helping him take a seat, before lowering herself down beside him, a look of worry in her eyes. "Do I need to call…"

Shaking his head, Lucas closed his eyes and leaned back against the bench, "I just need to catch my breath."

"Luke," She drawled out, watching as his breathing slowed and felt the beat of his heart slow beneath her hand that still rested against his heart. "I'm sorry. I just…"

His eyes flew open, his hand clasping over hers as he leaned forward meeting her worried eyes, "It's okay. I'm okay." He said softly, reaching out and cupping her cheek. "I'm just out of shape." He added with a slight laugh and earning a glare from Peyton. "I'm sorry."

Peyton sighed, her eyes closing at the feel of his thumb gently running across her cheek. Her mind flashing back the times he'd look her in the eye, whisper she was his everything just before he'd capture her lips with his.

Opening her eyes, she wrapped her fingers around his wrist and gently pulling his hand away from her face, "Luke."

"I'm sorry. I just…" Shaking his head, he looked away from her gaze. "I don't know what I thought."

"Right," She said with a shake of her head as she reached out and took his face between her hands, forcing him to look her in the eye, "You never do."

Maybe it was her touch or the look in her eyes at that moment. Or the fact that she was there, sitting before him, looking at him that way. Like she loved him and he was everything that gave him the sudden courage to capture her lips with his. He didn't know what it was and he didn't care.

He just cared that she still tasted the same, felt the same and when his tongue traced her lips, she let out a moan and pulled him closer, his hands roaming to her hair and tangling in the those blonde curls he loved.

A shudder ran through Peyton when she felt his hand gently cup the back of her head and when she moaned from the feel of his lips against hers, Lucas took full advantage of the situation and slipped his tongue inside. Her hands sliding down, gripping his shirt and she clung to him, holding him close as tried to think of a reason to pull away, but for the life of her she couldn't think of one.

All she could think was how right it felt and she didn't want it to end.


	4. Chapter 4

_And I am the smell of it __You're trying to wash out of your hair  
__~David Gray "Nemisis" _

She knew she should have pulled away but the second his lis touched hers all rational thought left Peyton's mind and all that mattered was that moment for it was them and he was kissing her and it was raw and passionate and she couldn't get enough. Not after she felt his tongue slip pass her lips and tangle with hers. It felt right.

He felt right and she didn't want it to end.

But just when she felt herself letting go and giving in to her building desire, she felt the vibration of his cell phone against her thigh followed by a familiar ring tone and pulled away, her breathing heavy. The phone rang again and she met his gaze, knowing hers reflected the same desire that his did at that moment.

"You should get that." She whispered, her gaze never leaving his, her fingers trailing down his chest and coming to rest at his waist.

"No I don't." He replied as reached out and cupped her cheek.

Shaking her head, Peyton pulled away, putting space between them and suddenly missing the warmth of his touch. "She'll keep calling."

He kept his gaze on her as he pulled his phone from his pocket, knowing she was right and punched the talk button with a sigh, "You have the worst timing, you know that?" he said, a faint smile crossing his lips as Peyton shook her head at his words before turning away from his intense gaze.

Glancing out of the corner of her, she watched as he turned away from her slightly, his head falling into his free hand, his words low as he spoke and she took that as her chance to slip away before they did something that she knew would lead to one of them hurting the other.

And her wishing for just one more chance to go back and do it all differently.

Standing from the bench, Peyton grabbed her purse and made a move to leave when Lucas's hand shot out and caught her arm, preventing her escape. A sigh escaped her lips as she turned her gaze to his and she wished she hadn't for there in his eyes, those eyes she adored, loved, held a pleading look for her to stay. With a shake of her head, she pulled her arm free of his grasp, leaned forward and brushed her lips against his cheek and walked away.

Her eyes stung with tears as she hurried across the street, her purse clutched in her hand as she stepped onto the opposite sidewalk and glanced over her shoulder, catching his questioning gaze. His phone still pressed to his ear.

He made a move to cross the street but stopped when she shook her head, a faint smile on her lips as she watched his mouth move with his words. Words she knew were heated and she could just picture the expression and the words coming from the other end of the phone. She laughed at the image that popped in her head of their hands flaying in anger as they yelled at him from miles away.

Her laughter faded when he lifted a finger, indicting for her hold on but then he was turning away from her and she saw it as the prefect time to disappear into the crowd and away from him and her desire to run back to him.

And she did, never once looking back.

* * *

He groaned at the ring tone that filled the small space between them and caused her to pull away. His lips tingling from her touch.

"You should get that." She whispered, her fingers trailing down his chest coming to rest on his waist and he couldn't help but reach out and cup her cheek.

"No I don't."

But then she was pulling further away, putting distance between them and telling him what he knew was true, "She'll keep calling."

It was the truth, he knew that and without lowering his gaze from hers, he pulled his phone from his pocket and hit the talk button, "You have the worst timing, you know that?"

He really couldn't help the smile that pulled at his lips as she arched a brow his way and shook her head before looking away and all he wanted to do was hang up the phone and pull her back into his arms but the raspy voice in his ear would just call back.

Lowering his voice, he rested his head in his hand, listening to Brooke before sighing and earning a typical Brooke Davis reply of _"Are you listening to me Lucas Scott?" _in his ear.

"I'm listening Brooke but you kinda caught me at the wrong time so can I call you…" He said, lowering his voice so Peyton wouldn't hear. He didn't need her to suddenly think it was some sort of sign and leave. He wanted her stay. He wanted to talk to her.

He wanted to believe that maybe Haley was right and it was fate and they were meant to be.

"_Are you with a girl?" _Brooke rasped out, interpreting him and he could sense the smile on her lips._ "Wait please don't tell me it's that girl from the wedding I saw you talking to cause she…"_

Chuckling softly, Lucas glanced to the side and caught Peyton looking at him before turning back to the woman on the phone, "You do remember she was one of your bride's maid's right?"

With a huff in his ear, he closed his eyes and pictured her leaning back in her seat with a roll of her dark eyes, _"She's a cousin of Julian's and I don't care for her but you known how it is, got to make the in-laws happy. But please tell me it isn't her because if it is Lucas Scott my whole opinion of…"_

"It's not." He replied, his eyes shooting open when he felt movement beside him, his hand shooting out grabbing Peyton's arm as she stood and pleading with her to stay. But she just shook her head, pulled her arm free and brushed a kiss to his cheek before walking away and all he could do was let her go. "Listen Brooke, I need to go. Peyton's leaving and I really need to…"

His eyes closed as he her yell of, "_What", _over the phone. He hadn't meant to say that. "Look, umm…"

"_Don't 'umm' me Lucas Eugene Scott! What the hell are you doing with her? Why is she leaving? And what the hell did you do this time?" _She demanded.

"Nothing!" He yelled into the phone as he watched Peyton jog across the street before glancing back his way. His brow furrowed in question, wondering if she'd stay or leave but when her gaze shifted slightly, he knew she woudn't and went to move only to stop when she shook her golden head his way. "Really Brooke I need to go. She's…"

"_You're not going after her Lucas. You're going to leave her alone and…"_

Lifting a finger, he glanced once more Peyton's way, hoping against hope she'd wait for him and turned away, his voice raising, "She's a big girl Brooke and…"

"_You're not going after her, Luke." _She rasped out and he sighed. It was getting old, this argument. They have been having it for years and he had let it go but that was before she appeared before him just moments ago and Haley had mentioned fate.

"I can't Brooke. I'm sorry." Flipping his phone shut before she could respond, Lucas turned on his heel, "Peyt…" Her name dying on his lips when he discovered she was no where in sight.

She had disappeared from his life once again.

* * *

Peyton opened the door to her hotel room and threw her purse on the bed before throwing herself across it, her eyes closing.

_Why did she kiss him? Why did she let him kiss her? _She thought with a groan. "Because you wanted him too." she said aloud, her eyes opening and staring at the ceiling above. "Because you miss him."

She missed him. That she knew. She had been missing him since the day she drove out of Tree Hill four years ago, determined to rid him from her life only to discover that it was near impossible to erase him from her life.

They had the same friends but they never mentioned him to her and she knew they never mentioned her to him. It had become a silent agreement between them all and she just went on pretending she was over him.

But there had been that one time. That one time Brooke called her and she had cried when Brooke spoke of their hometown and through her tears, she told her she missed home.

That she missed him and Brooke let is slip where he had been staying and she got her one more night with the man she loved.

The man she'd always love.

Sighing, Peyton rolled onto her side and stared at the blank TV screen her mind wondering back to that night in New York. She hadn't meant for it to happen just like she hadn't meant for the kiss to happen now. She had just wanted to watch him that day, to talk to him but she knew as soon as she had seen across the room, she was leaving with him.

And she hadn't planned on seeing him now. She had thought she could escape Tree Hill unnoticed but she should have know better for she was never that lucky.

Groaning, she buried her face into the bed and let out a scream of frustration as his face flashed before her. Why couldn't she forget him? It had been easy to forget the love she had felt for Jake. To let it just fade away and Julian, that love disappeared before she even knew it was gone.

But Lucas and her need for him, she just couldn't escape it.

No matter how much she pretended, it was always there.

A familiar ring tone filled the air and she flopped on to her back, listening as the song _Heartbeats _filled the room and she let the phone go to voice mail. She didn't want to hear his voice. She just wanted to forget, pretend it never happened.

She wanted to not know what that kiss meant and where it would lead but when her phone beeped, indicating a new message, she knew it meant everything.


	5. Chapter 5

So my computer got hit with a virus and I've been slowly recovery it. I lost the next chapter to _Fairy Tales Fade _but I am slowly working on trying to remember what I had written so please bare with me on that one. _Realization_ luckly seems to have only lost part of the next chapter. As for _Starting Over_ it has seemed to take on a mind of it's own taking me down roads I didn't see but am liking where it's heading. I'm not a believer in that things should be all pretty and end up with a big red ribbon so I apoligize now if this or any of my fics lead down the opposite road! Other than that - ENJOY!

* * *

_"God help me baby, I'm lost inside  
Feels like I'm buried alive."  
~_David Gray _"Nemisis"_

She had been laying there for hours, staring at the ceiling, the occasional beep of her phone, indicting her un-played messages being the only sound that filled the silence of the room. It rang twice more, once being Brooke and she knew, once she played that message, she'd hear yelling followed a soft whisper of how strong she really was and how she needed to just take that leap.

But she didn't want to hear that, not now. So she choose to ignore it and went on staring the ceiling and listening to the beep and ignoring the world.

The other; Lucas.

And that was a call she didn't want to take.

Not now.

Sighing, Peyton pulled herself up on the bed and glanced around the room, the silence suddenly seeming too overwhelming and reached for the remote, allowing the faint voices of the local newscasters to fill the room.

Without a glance it's way, she tossed the remote on the bed before standing and making her way to the bathroom, her fingers working the buttons of her shirt with one thought on her mind; a warm relaxing bath.

She had every intention of trying to forget Lucas and that kiss and the memories that played in her mind. Flicking the bathroom switch on, her fingers working the last of the buttons of her shirt, the low sound of the anchors voices filtered through air and she made a mental note to find some music before slipping into the warm water; the news just wouldn't do.

With a twist of the baths knobs, she ran her hand under the faucet, her mind wondering to a forgotten time when Lucas had visited her in LA and she had complained about her day and he had simply stood, not speaking a word before disappearing down the hall, leaving her to question his actions until she heard the water flow and she couldn't help but smile before joining him in the tiny bathroom of that old apartment, her day long forgotten just moments later.

Shaking her head, she frowned as she let the memory fade from her mind and stood from the edge of the tub and making her way towards her travel bag in search of her bath oils, telling herself to forget the man that seemed to always invade her thoughts but when she glanced into the mirror, all she could see was him and her and that moment in the street.

Groaning, she closed her eyes and latched onto the sink, her head falling forward, fighting the tears that suddenly stung her eyes and took a shaking breath before opening her eyes once again. She could this, she could pretend it away. All of it.

She could pretend he didn't exist and they weren't ever in love and he hadn't been her world and that she needed him.

"Yeah right." she mumbled, turning away from the mirror and slipped her shirt from her shoulder only for her actions to still at the mention of a familiar name came over the TV. Her brow furrowed as she moved back across the room, straining to hear the words the anchors were saying.

"Where…" Glancing over her shoulder, Peyton reached for the remote on the bed and pressed the volume button, her heart pounding against her chest as the voices filled the room and stole her breath in one single moment as the images of two people she loved filled the screen.

"_We'll continue to bring you updates to this breaking story through out the newscast. All we known as of now is NBA basketball player Nathan Scott and his wife, singer, Haley James-Scott were injured in a car accident on…"_

Pressing a hand to her mouth, the images of Nathan and Haley blurring as her eyes filled with tears, the anchors voices fading into the distance as the remote fell from her hand, hitting the carpeted floor with a soft thud. _Car accident, head on, life-threatening _echoed through her head as a strangled sob escaped her lips.

"Oh God." She cried, her legs giving out beneath her as the thought of one person crossed her mind, "Jaime."

Her phone rang, startling her. Reaching across the bed, Peyton glanced at the flashing screen, her voice breaking as she pressed the talk button, "Hello?"

"_Peyton…we saw the news and Hales and…" _

It was a strangled sound and it tore at her and caused her tears fall even faster.

"Brooke, I…"

"_We're on our way home but I can't reach Deb and I…She has Jaime and I…" _Brooke's voice broke as she struggled to speak through her tears. _"Peyton he's only seven and it's not…It's all too familiar, P. Sawyer."_

Shaking her head, Peyton closed her eyes trying not to think of how familiar it was. "They'll be fine." She whispered, her voice breaking at her own words. Words she needed to believe were true. "I'll find her. I'll…I'll see you when you get here. I love you, B. Davis."

"_I love you too, Peyton." _She sobbed out. _"Have you talked to Luke? Does he known?"_

Her heart stopped at the mention of his name, her eyes closing as she bowed her head at the thought of him, "No." She whispered softly.

"_Do you think…forget it, Peyton, I'll…"_

"I'll find him." She whispered, her eyes fluttering open as she stared at the TV screen that showed live pictures of the accident. The reporter's voice spitting out rapid information that she couldn't seem to process. "I'll find him."

With a final goodbye, Peyton stood her eyes scanning the room for her purse as she rushed from the room, the TV blaring behind her and one thought on her mind; _she needed to get to Lucas._

* * *

Lucas paced the hospital waiting room, pausing whenever the emergency room doors swung open, waiting for someone to tell him word on his Nathan and Haley's condition. But no one came and he continued to pace. He had been walking along the pier, trying to figure out what had just happened and cursing Brooke for her bad timing when his phone vibrated in his pocket.

He hadn't meant to yell when he answered the phone but he had and his eyes stung with tears when Deb, through her own tears, told him he needed to get to the hospital. His eyes closed and felt himself sway, standing there in the middle of the pier, with the afternoon sun beating down and all he could think was he needed to wake up. But when Deb mentioned Jaime and she was waiting for a sitter, his eyes shot open and his heart pounded in his chest. Through his tears he told her he was on his way and he'd call her if there was any news.

That was over an hour ago and he went on pacing, his eyes catching Deb's every so often and he'd offer her a small smile because if he didn't, those tears he had been fighting would, fall. His eyes shot to the swinging doors as another doctor stepped out, looked his way before turning away and those tears he'd been fighting, fell.

Falling into an empty chair nearby, a sob escaped Lucas as his head fell foward into his hands, his shoulder shaking as his tears overcame him. _Oh God, _He thought, _If they die…_

"No," He said aloud, his eyes closing at the very thought that he wished would leave his mind. "They'll be okay. They're fighters. They have Jaime to think about."

They would never leave him. _Not alone_, he thought. _Never alone_. Haley wouldn't do that. She wouldn't, she couldn't.

She wouldn't leave him. Not without a goodbye.

An image of a seven-year-old Haley begging him to take her with him to the River Court flashed in his mind. Her dark eyes wide, pleading with him not to leave her behind with her sisters and through squinted eyes, he relented and took her smaller hand in his. It was in that moment, he swore he'd protect. He'd be her friend forever.

And even with all her irritating questions and her known it all ways through-out the years, she had been there, right behind him, tagging along but right now he'd give anything to be sitting back at that café table with her; arguing about fate and destiny and love. He'd tell her she was right and he believed in fate and he was wrong and he needed her.

She needed to be alright.

He needed to prove her wrong. He needed to be that man she once admired.

He needed to be _her_ best friend again.

They both did, he thought as he leaned back in the chair, his eyes fluttery open only to close again as another memory flashed in his mind; Nathan and him standing inches apart, ball in hand, posed to make that final shot. The cheers of their friends egging them on and with a smirk, Lucas faked to his right, planted his feet and the ball left his hands with grace, sailing through the net with ease.

Right now that was he wanted to be doing. Standing in the middle of the River Court playing ball with his brother. He'd even take the days of Nathan hating him then this moment.

Wiping the tears from his eyes, Lucas shook his head and glanced towards the double doors, his vision blurry and still he wished for them to open, for someone to tell him it would all be alright. But they didn't.

His eyes closed, trying to hide his pain when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Taking a deep breath, he slowly opened his eyes and looked up, a cry escaping his lips when he met Peyton's emerald eyes starring back down at him.

"Peyton." He said as he abruptly stood, knocking the chair over with a thud and Peyton's arms immediately wrapping around him, pulling him close.

"I saw it on the news and Brooke…" She whispered softly, pulling back slightly to look him in the eye, her hands gently rubbing his neck. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm…god Peyton." He whispered his eyes closing as he pulled her back to him and taking a deep breath, inhaling her familiar scent; vanilla and a hit of lavender and he felt some of the tension leave his shoulders.

Sighing, Lucas pulled back slightly, his face grim as he met her eyes once again. "Nathan he's in pretty bad shape. They rushed him into surgery the moment they got here and Haley she umm…She was unconscious when they brought her in and she…No one has told me a thing and…"

Peyton raised a hand to his cheek, gently caressing his tears away, "He's going to be fine, Luke and Hales too. Believe me."

"I'm want to believe that," He whispered leaning his forehead against hers. "But…"

"Than believe it, Luke, Believe it." She said sternly, gasping his face with both her hands and pulling back. Her eyes searching his. "They're not going anywhere. Got it? Haley and Nathan are not leaving you. They're not."

"Thank you." He said a slight smile on his face as he leaned his forehead against hers once again. "I'm really glad you're here."

"There isn't any other place I would be." She whispered lowering her hands from his face and gently placing them on his chest. "Is there anything I can do? Anything I can get you?"

"You can turn back time." He said with a slight chuckle.

"Luke." she drawled out.

Shaking his head, he pressed a hand to her cheek, "I'm sorry," He said softly. "You being here is all I need."

Closing her eyes, she nodded her head with a faint smile as he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her to him, letting his chin rest on top of her golden head.

He was glad she was there and he told her so as he held her in his arms, standing there in the middle of hospital waiting. She was all he needed, all he ever needed, he thought. "Peyt, if they don't make it. If…"

"Don't," She said leaning back in his arms and pressing a finger to his lips. "Don't even think it Lucas Eugene Scott. You're brother is going to fine. Haley is going to be fine. So don't you dare think other wise, got it?"

Removing her finger from his lips, he lowered their hands between them and pulled her closer to him, their faces inches apart, "Got it."

"Good." She whispered softly, closing the distance between them. Her lips lightly brushing against his before she wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face into his neck, her words muffled against his skin, "Because I'm not the cheery one, remember?"

And Lucas couldn't help but laugh through his tears, his hands burying themselves in her tangled curls. _That she was not_, he thought as his eyes closed at the feel of her hand resting against the base of his neck. _That she was not._

She was so much more.


	6. Author Note

Sorry it has taken a while on updating "Fairy Tales Fade", "Starting Over" and "Realization." My computer got hit with a virus and I have been slowly recovering written chapters for each. I lost the entire next chapter for FTF and I will admit I became frustrated and stopped writing. It was only just recently that my muse had made an appearance once again, which lead to the "Hand to Hold.".

I am hoping that I can write the next chapters to the stories I started and finish them for I hate starting something and not finishing. So please bear with me as I _try_ and get new chapters out.


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